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So it just occured to me that I haven't updated this since before Christmas.OMG!!!I guess I shall update what has been going on the last month and a half.

-New Years party was freaking amazing and insane.I didn't know I could fit that many people in this tiny house,but somehow ell and I did.To recap my portion of the evening.I got soooo drunk,watched people make out,made out with people,threw glitter in the air,puked,passed out,woke up and drank a little more,realized i puked and stopped drinking,etc.Nothing but some good ole fashioned shenanigans that only Woodbridge kids could pull off.To give a real feel for the night I shall post some pictures so you can have a feel for the evening.















I feel no need to cut that since no one actually reads this constantly.hahahaha

-I am only taking one class this semester.I know I should be taking more,but NOVA fucked up and dropped me from the classes that I was supossed to be taking.Oh well,at least I am in one and by taking this I think I am done with my English requirements.Plus it's an awesome class.It forces me to be creative and actually write some of these thoughts down and mold them into some kind of story.

-Went to a strip club with Rachel,Kisha,Andy,Jessix,and one of Andy's random straight friends who's name does not come to mind.As much as I don't want to admit it,it was a fucking blast.I got kissed by a stripper and made fun of several nasty ones.Was shocked by a few of them and slightly intrigued by some.:)I love strippers!!

-I have been snowed in for the past few days.VA ended up getting 2 fucking feet of snow.I haven't been to work since last friday morning.I left there at like 10:30 cuz we had four kids there.I'm not complaining much,I am just tired of shoveling every other day.It does get old really,really fast.

-I got a potential job offer.I am just hoping it goes through because I really need out of this daycare hell.So fingers crossed and a lot of possitive thoughts going my way to getting in a far better place of employment.

-I have been discovering some fantastic music recently. I found this gay folk artist named Jay Brannan.For the few that have seen the movie "Shortbus",he plays Ceth.His music is absolutely beautiful.I also realized last week,that I am a John Mayer fan.I was flipping through the music channels on comcast last week and heard one of his newer songs and got all geeky excited over it.So I got online previewed the album,thought about it more,and ended up buying two of his albums.I am rediculous sometimes,but I really do enjoy him."Battle Studies" is a brilliant album.I was a little surprised about it.Not a little bit,I was fucking stunned.

-Now that I have rambled on enough for one morning,I need to go shower and get Elliott up.Time to start yet another day of no work,but plenty of play:)
So here I am,sitting at Rachel's,awaiting festivities to start.YAY!!!

I am doing ok.This week has been good thus far.I only worked two days this week because there is two feet of snow outside.Did I mention that for those two days I only worked for a total of 6 hours?Yeah,that made me happy as shit.

I am finally in the full on Christmas spirit.Overwhelmed with it kind of.A week ago I was ready to say fuck Christmas and get out of here for this holiday.Now I am ready,to enjoy it and be with people I get a shit about.I am still upset that mom isn't here,but I can't do anything about it.I need to stop blaming myself for what happened and finally fully accept what happened.For right now,I am going to not let this burden haunt me and enjoy the next week or so.

Hmmm,anything else worth mentioning???

I've bought a lot of porn as of lately.:)That's always a plus to life right?

Yet another time of reflecting

I have been reflecting over some random things that has happened this past year.I have been caught up in random moments of everything that has happened.Some don't make me completly depressed,some comfort me.Is that odd???Here is a random little story of something that somewhat comforts me at random times.

So a week or so after mom died I was sitting in our room at Ell's old house.It was in the morning and I opened up itunes and instead of going through and finding a specific album to listening I put my entire music library and a song started playing that really struck me.Instead of skipping the song,I kept it on and just listened to every lyric to the song.By the time the song was over I was in tears,but not the tears I had been crying.It was wierd,I felt this odd level of comfort that made me feel uncomfortable.Odd right?It felt like mom was trying to communicate with me through music.See why I felt an odd sence of comfort

So,my friend Rachel and I were driving around one afternoon playing music.Going through music that we found at certain times in our lives.She flips to a song and tells me this story about her driving home one night and putting her Ipod on random.Same exact song came on and again,instead of skipping the track,she played through it.

Random memory.I never have gotten around to writting about it,but how often have I kept up with this much this year.

Oh the song...here's the lyrics

pictured you in the sun wondering what went wrong
And falling down on your knees asking for sympathy
And being caught in between all you wish for and all you seen
And trying to find anything you can feel that you can believe in

May God's love be with you
Always....
May God's love be with you

I know i would apologize if i could see your eyes
'Cause when you showed me myself, you know, i became someone else
But i was caught in between all you wish for and all you need
I pictured you fast asleep
A nightmare comes
You can't keep awake

May God's love be with you
Always...
May God's love be with you
Always...
May God's love be with you
Always...
May God's love be with you

'Cause if i find
If i find my own way
How much will i find
If i find
If i find my own way
How much will i find
If i find
If i find my own way
How much will i find
You...
You...
I'll find you
You...

I don't know anymore
What it's for
I'm not even sure
If there is anyone who is in the sun
Will you help me to understand
'Cause i been caught in between all I wish for and all I need
Maybe you're not even sure what it's for
Any more than me

May God's love be with you
Always...
May God's love be with you
Always...
May God's love be with you
Always...
May God's love be with you

'Cause if i find
If i find my own way
How much will i find
If i find
If i find my own way
How much will i find
If i find
If i find my own way
How much will i find
If i find
If i find my own way
How much will i find
You...
You...
I'll find you
You...
I'll find you
You...
I'll find you
You...

the song is called "In The Sun" by Joseph Arther
I just realized that this is the last week of classes until exam week.FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!
I don't know what happened to me this semester and I am not ok with it.I have been depressed for most of the semester and I am finally starting to admit it to other people.I feel like depression got worse this fall.I don't know,maybe it is because Fall was my dad's favorite season.Maybe,it was me totalling my car back in September.Maybe,it has been the fact that my Grandmother has been down my throat for a majority of this year and it has finally,fully gotten to me.Maybe,I have just really,really missed my mother these last couple of months.So,when I sit down to do anything that has to do with school,I end up just sitting and staring at either the computer screen or a bunch of papers in front of me.I have done so badly this semester,I am getting ready to just call it quits for a while.Ugh!!I hate sounding like this because it makers me sound needy and just downright fucking pathetic, but if I keep holding all of this in I am going to EXPLODE!!!

In less depressing news;me,ell,and Rachel got matching tattoo's in memory of Mom.IT says "No day but today"and it is fucking awesome.

Katie come home on Christmas eve!!!YAY!!

Fuck me,I have to get ready to go back to work.:-/
So I failed to even give you guys even sort of an update.Oooops!!My bad!!
I have nothing much to say today.Ell and I are cooking our first Thanksgiving dinner and having people over to eat it.This is so wierd to me,but hey it was going to happen at some point.:) I just know it is going to be wierd because it will be the first Thanksgiving without my mother here.Hmm don't like that at all.
So to leave you on a happy note,here's a couple of pics.





I wanna do bad things with you

I am so adicted to True Blood it's not even kinda funny.I wanna read the books.

Last night was a good bad night.Does that make sence?I decided to get really drunk and last week was fuckig shit.There is nothing more to say about last week other than the fact that it was complete and utter shit.Good thing is I let it all out last night.The bad thing is,I let it all out in the parking lot of the fucking Gambit.Yup,I was that guy.Ugh,so not what I wanted to do.

I don't think this ever gets easier.I am not convinced that it ever does.What I am convinced of is,we have made this house look mother fucking fabulous.Random, I know,but it's true.

I want a good book to read.

I want vacation time.

I want vacation time NOW!!

It's the bitch of living

I guess I feel a need to make an update here.

I saw Spring Awakening tonight.Fucking amazing!!!!Yeah,I really,really loved and encourage everyone to go and see it when it rolls back into town.I am still in awe and I am still singing the songs from it.

Ell and I are finally moved in.It's crazy!I have never really lived out of boxes before so this is something interesting,but ya know it is getting done at least.It will eventually all be done and unpacked.Key word here is eventually kids.My goal is to finish putting the CD's away.That has been the one thing that has taken a little bit.Whatever!I am getting to it.

Not much else is going on really.So much change that I am not really willing to face or wanting to face at that.Oh the bitch of being an adult.Actually being responsable and paying things on time,making sure that my car gets it's emmissions done and tire fixed.Oh what fun,but oh well.Life goes on.

I'm going back to the start

I am listening to Coldplay.My subject has nothing to do with the upcoming entry.

Let's talk about how much this weekend kicked ass.Pride was awesome as usual.We met some cool people.They were really fucking awesome actually.Lots of ass groping and various other naughty things were being done.It was the weekend I needed.I think all of us needed it.There was no stress over getting things done at the house.There was no trace of my mom not being here.It was just us being us.Rediscovering how it is to have a fucking blast and forget things without drugs or booze.Ok,there was some booze,but that was for celebration purposes only.Ok,I got kinda smashed before we went to Apex and had another drink at Apex.Whatever it was fucking fantastic ok.Ran into Christie and it was pure wonderfulness.Every year we end up bumping into each other.Never planned,it just happens.It's awesome:)!

Other than that,I have been stressed as hell.Even though we are in the home stretch of the house being done,I still feel like we are getting nowhere.I guess I will constantly feel that way until it is all in fact done.I know we said this would take a long time,but seriously we have been at this shit for three fucking months.It is kinda exhausting and I am so over it.I need to breathe.I just need to breathe and calm my nerves.I need to find a new outlet somewhere.It gets kinda hard trying to find that when there is so much shit to be done.

Ok,I don't want to end this on this stressful/depressing note so I am gonna post some pics.



Sexy boys here:)Aaah a dream come true,me in a bed with three sexy men:)love it

And the fierce,sexy bitches:)

We finally met some fantastic drag queens.

And this my friends,is the end:).goodnight

I'd love a re-do

So I would just like I would like a do-over of the last few years.I can't remember the last time I looked back on a year and said "Wow!That was a kick ass year".I really just ready for a good year and they are starting to come far and few between.

The house is taking forever.Everytime I turn around something needs to be fixed or paint needs to be touched up.Ugh!!Stressed!!I just want to move in and begin to live a life outside of this part of Hell.

I am trying to think back at a time where I was truely happy and this is what came to my mind.

That is the day Katie,Abby,and I were suppossed to go to North Carolina,but ended up not going because of some bullshit drama that went down the night before.So instead of us sitting around in Woodbridge sulking,I said "Lets go to Dupont and forget about bullshit".That's exactly what we did and it is one of my favorite memories ever.EVER!!Not to mention look at how hot I look in that pic.*lesigh*

Memory #2

This is from Pride '06 and that would be TJ,his ex Sam(the other awesomest Sam EVER),me,and Ell.A day of drama that filled the week before and disipated as soon as we hit the Festival.

I miss being able to have that kind of day where you can leave your burdens at the door and fully anjoy yourself.There has been only one recent memory of that.It was a night me,Jessix,Rachel,Ell,and Jess' boyfriend Matt played in mom's clothes.




Ugh,I need to stop procrastinating already and finish more shit that needs to get on.Just felt the need to do a useless ranting session

Things may just be happening

This past weekend was the grand painting weekend.Whoa!I think paint fumes have affected each one of us by last night.It was fun,but exhausting.

I have been ok.I have days,but whatever.That's how these things are suppossed to be.Unfortunatly,no matter how many books you read on losing someone,it just does nothing and doesn't really prepare you for everything that comes.

Going to see Rent on Thursday.EXCITED!!!OMFG!!!EXCITED!!!!

Yup,that's about it.